Eat the Damn Grapes!

Listen, I’ve been where you are. I’ve been single since my divorce six years ago, and let me tell you, these streets are sounding real inviting right now. In six years, I’ve had exactly two "situations" that lasted about as long as a carton of milk in July. (Milk doesn’t last that long by the way)  And about 16 other guys that didn’t even get past a week of  "Good morning, beautiful" before I edited his contact to DNA, followed by a lifetime of "Who is this?" if they happen to sneak through.

THE EXHAUSTION!  I know it all too well.  I know the "I’m just gonna focus on my peace" phase. But we need to have a real talk, sister to sister. We’ve been fed this "soft girl" lie that if we just sit at home, look pretty, and mind our business, Idris Elba is going to break down our front door with a ring, a retirement plan, and a yacht.  I don’t even like boats like that…

Girl…we boss up about everything else!  If you want to be in love this year, we got to stop window shopping and start placing your order.  It’s time to eat the damn grapes!!

I’m not even sure how you’re supposed to do it: do I all 12 grapes within the first minute, or every time the clock strikes you pop a grape (potential choking hazard… cause Damn!!), under a table… but I’m doing it! Cause y’all, I’ve been patiently manifesting and waiting for my 6’5, brown-skinned, strong arms, thick muscular legs, nice smile, funny but intelligent man to wake up one day and decide that he needs me in his life.  I’m convinced that man MUST be doing 5-10… cause where he at?! I want a man!!

I fell into the trap.  You know the popular sentiment that suggests love will simply "fall into your lap" when you aren’t looking. We’ve been fed a diet of romantic comedies and "soft girl" manifestos that tell us if we just vibrate at a high frequency and mind our business, our soulmate will find us while we’re buying organic kale.

Now, I’m all for a little tradition—I’ll be under near the table with something bubbly just like everybody else. But let’s be for real: The magic isn’t in the fruit; it’s in the audacity. You are telling the universe you are hungry. But once you crawl out from under that table on January 1st, you better not go right back to your "do not disturb" mode!

You can’t ask God for a partner and then treat every man who says "hello" like he’s trying to steal your identity. You can't pray for a harvest and then refuse to step foot in the field. (You can’t be stupid either... but that’s another topic) Cause if I’m going to keep it real, it’s my pride.  My PRIDE is OFF THE CHAIN!!  I already married the wrong man once… I can’t go out like that again! BUT... I can acknowledge that effort is not embarrassing. We’ve reached a point where "caring" is seen as a weakness.  It’s just not true.  It’s VULNERALBE.  We wait three hours to text back, we act like we’re "too busy" to date, and we keep our walls so high that even a knight with a ladder can’t get over them.

If you want a significant other, you have to actually participate in the process of finding one.  Stop being cool and start being intentional.  At 45 I don’t have time for the games.  Peace shouldn’t be a prison.  We got to go outside!  Stop only going to the grocery store and work. Go to the gallery. Go to the high-end steakhouse bar for a happy hour dranky-drank. Put on that dress that makes your confidence pop and actually look at people. Now mind you I didn’t say the club… but hey I’m removing boundaries so do you. 

If a decent man shows interest, stop looking for the “catch.’  We’ve been burned… a thousand times.  But high standards don’t mean you have to be a brick wall.  Be easy to love and hard to fool.  Answer the phone, set the date, and GO! #NoteToSelf 

You know what you want.  Love is a risk. You will probably get some more "one-month specials" AND add some more numbers to the DNA contact before we get it right.  And yes, you might get your feelings hurt. But the alternative is sitting it out again, starving for companionship, watching everybody else get fed while you "protect your peace" into total isolation.

The grapes are right there!   

Eat the damn grapes.