Finding the Rhythm in the Rush: A 44-Year-Old Symphony

Forty-four. Four decades and change, and let me tell you, they've been full. Full of laughter, tears, the relentless hum of a washing machine, and the constant, beautiful chaos of raising three kids. Full of the sting of a divorce, the slow, steady climb of rebuilding, and the quiet strength I didn't know I possessed. Full of fashion themed brunches, and supporting roles, horrible first dates, and belly laughs with friends. Full of… time. Or rather, the constant juggling act of trying to make the most of the time I have.

See, "balance" isn't a still image. It's not a perfectly aligned scale. It's more like a jazz improvisation – a series of notes, some smooth, some jarring, all woven together to create a melody that's uniquely mine. And as a divorced Black woman, a mother of three (a preteen, a twee, and a whirlwind of a nine-year-old), that melody is a wild, beautiful, and often exhausting symphony... when I’m being polite.  As a matter of fact throw in some Too-Short, ThreeSix Mafia , Luke and a little bit of "Get em Glo!"… but that’s too real for some of yall. I digress…

There are days, let me tell you, when the to-do list is downright disrespectful. The deadlines at work, the school pickups, the soccer practices, dance practices, the grocery runs, the endless pile of laundry that seems to multiply when I’m not looking. The Girl Scout meetings, the School Board stuff, my community stuff and my part-time job pulling at the other end of my sanity. It's easy to get lost in the "doing" – to become a machine, churning out tasks without ever pausing to breathe.

But then, there's the sound of my daughter's infectious giggle while she tells me about her newest K-Pop crush. There’s the warmth of my son's hand slipping into mine as we walk through the grocery store.  There’s the way my youngest's eyes light up when I help her with her homework, even though she knows all the answers. The laughs I share with my sister and friends.

These moments, these fleeting, precious moments, are the reason I keep going. They’re the rhythm that keeps me grounded; the melody that makes the chaos worthwhile.

It's not about finding more hours in the day, because I sho’nuff get as many as I can. It's about finding the quality in the hours I have. It’s about being present, even when my mind is screaming about the unread emails and the overdue bills.

Here’s what I’ve learned, through trial and error (and a whole lot of spilled coffee):

• Embrace the Imperfect: My house is NEVER always spotless. Sometimes, dinner is takeout. And that's okay. Perfection is a myth and chasing it will only leave you exhausted.

• Prioritize the Moments: I make a conscious effort to put down my phone and look my kids in the eye (after making them put down their phone too…smh). To listen, really listen, to what they’re saying. Those little conversations, those shared moments, are the ones that matter.

• Find My "Me" Time: Even if it’s just 15 minutes of quiet time on my way home, or 15 minutes behind a locked (if it's not locked... it doesn't count) bathroom door, I carve out time for myself. It’s not selfish; it’s essential. I can't pour from an empty cup.

  
  
  
  
  
  

• Lean on My Village: My family, my friends, my community – they’re my lifeline. I'm STARTING to try to not do it all alone. I am getting better at asking for help when I need it, and I offer help when I can.  It’s definitely a struggle, because I’ve been so strong for so long.

• Celebrate the Small Wins: A successful school project, a clean kitchen for five minutes, a laugh shared with my kids – these are the victories that make up my days.

It’s a constant balancing act. It’s a tightrope walk, a dance on a moving train. But it's also the most beautiful, rewarding, and fulfilling experience of my life.

I'm learning to find the rhythm in the rush, to appreciate the quiet moments amidst the chaos, to savor the symphony of my life. And you know what? It sounds pretty damn good.

~AShanee