Sis, he wants a basic chick...

We’re tired. Exhausted from hearing the same old story every time a sister upgrades her life, her standards, and her look. You finally get your money right, your body tight, your edges laid, and your mind sharp, and suddenly the struggle bus pulls up with some man whispering the tired line: “You’re too high maintenance for me.”

We gotta shut that down. Right now.

The truth is, honey, demanding excellence from a partner doesn't mean you're too much. It means he is simply not enough.

Let’s dismantle this lie that our self-care is a burden on him. You think I get this sew-in, this full set, and this skincare routine for you? Please. You think I looked at tireless videos on how to apply my cluster lashes cause you like them? Huh!! You really think I go spend $350+ on a niche scent cause you can tell the difference between it and some knockoff at the hair store?! (I'm not judging the girlies... I'm just sayin) Do you really think if I can't be with you this stops?! Boy bye!! BEEN handling this on my own.

My investments are for me, myself, and I.  My edges are present AND laid because I respect my hair. My outfit is fire because I put that shit ON. I am my personal project. Hell... I'm about to be in this gym and eating right because this is MY body and I have to live in it!! When I feel good, I move differently. That good energy I bring to the table? That's called mental stability. That's a return on my own investment. I WORKED on that! I read the books, went to counseling, I journal, I plan. I like to laugh out loud because I enjoy a hearty laugh.

The real tea is he can’t afford the standard, not the style.  Some men can definitely drop a bag if it was JUST about the nails, hair, lashes, shoes and whatever material thing they think we might ask for... and then there are the ones who simply CANNOT. Sir, keep walking. When he sees a French tip, YSL bag, AND how you grind to handle your business it definitely shines a spotlight on his busted-up tennis shoes and his busted-up future.

The real issue is the requirement gap. When he calls you "high maintenance," he's not talking about the cost of your lashes. He's talking about the cost of entry into your life. He sees a successful, polished woman who needs emotional maturity, accountability, and depth, and he realizes he only has $2.50 in his emotional bank account. It's really about the quality of woman you are. He knows a woman who puts this much work into herself ain't gonna accept a man who puts zero work into his life, his job, or his emotional baggage. That type of man wants a woman who mirrors his low effort, so he can stay comfortable on his dusty couch watching Kevin Samuels reels or some other "high functioning" dusty.

The "high maintenance" label is just a low-functioning man’s excuse for his own lack of effort, ambition, and emotional availability. Period. Yeah, he appreciates all the work we put in ourselves, but he wants a chick who won't challenge him... he's searching for ease. Somebody who wants to chill with him in mediocrity. Well... mediocrity smells like ass and who wants to be around that?! THAT mofo needs a distraction, not a companion.

He seeks validation, not a genuine connection. He's drawn to easily impressed or overtly friendly women whose enthusiastic demeanor serves as a constant ego boost. The man who relies on quick, surface-level validation will find the lack of immediate, performative warmth intimidating and will often self-select out of approaching or pursuing. The "high maintenance" label becomes a convenient, socially acceptable excuse to justify his failure to impress or pursue a woman who expects more than the bare minimum. It's easier to label her as "too much work" than to admit he is "too low effort."

Be forreal... how in the hell are these men offended when we ask about their (clear) future goals. It's a question about THEM.... a proverbial green light to talk that good shit. If you don't know what you going to doing in 5 months how do you expect to plan a life with ME?!! A lesser woman will let them skip that question and ride it out with him, while he drives them into a brick wall. Fuck that sis!! Look at the life you built. We came out of the fire—the divorces, the hustle, the single motherhood—and we didn't just survive; we leveled up!

Life is complex, it’s organized, and it’s beautiful. That requires a man who is ready for a sophisticated partnership, not an entry-level relationship. If he can't deal with the woman you became, then let him go. Don't dim your shine, don't stop your self-care, and for goodness' sake, do not lower your standards!!

Your standards are your security system. The man who is meant for you will see your self-investment as a promise—a promise that you value quality and excellence, and he will step up to meet that energy. He won't be scared; he'll be inspired.

Now go get your nails done and let that dead weight go.