Your Ex Is Living His Best Life

Yeah... I said it!! Pour yourself something cold—or something strong, actually both!! (I don’t judge) And let's have a good old-fashioned talk.

I’ve got laugh lines to prove I’ve enjoyed life... and plenty of gray hairs to prove I’ve survived it!! (I'm dying those mofos though...as soon as I take these braids down!!) I’ve been through some BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLSH*T!! I’ve had my heart broken, reconstructed, and broken again by men who promised me the moon but couldn't even give me a decent commitment.

I know exactly where you are AND why you’re here. You’re scrolling. You’re "checking in" on his Instagram from a burner account. Scrolling down his Facebook with gentle fingers so you don't accidentally like his post. Holding your breath... waiting for the lightning bolt. Looking for a sign...you know the one. You’re waiting for the universe to serve him a plate of "I told you so" with a side of misery. You’re waiting for Karma's slow ass.

But I’m going to tell you something that might sting, but it’s going to set you free: Sis, he is living his best life, and Karma isn't even on his radar.

We’ve been sold this fairy tale that if someone hurts a "good Black woman," the sky will fall on them. We want to see him lose his job, lose that new girl, and end up crying in a rainstorm outside our window.

But look at the reality. He’s out there at brunch. He’s got a new promotion. He’s posting pictures of a vacation he never took you on, looking well-rested and unbothered.

And you? You’re in your bonnet, eyes red from crying, checking the timestamp on his last "Like." You’re letting him live rent-free in your head while he’s not even paying the application fee for a thought about you. It is cramping your style, boo. You’re too fly to be this pressed over a man who’s probably eating a steak right now while you’re eating your heart out.

Here’s the hard truth I learned at 40: Karma aint late, or slow... that bitch just aint coming!! The "universe" doesn’t work for your ego. Sometimes, bad people have great seasons. Sometimes, people who didn't pour into you are pouring everything into someone else, and they are flourishing. It feels like an injustice. It feels like a betrayal of the highest order. But while you’re waiting for "Karma" to strike him down, you’re the one dying a slow death by resentment.

He isn't suffering because he doesn't have your conscience. He isn't losing sleep because he isn't built like you. He’s moved on. Not because he’s "better," but because he’s finished with that chapter—and he’s okay with being the villain in your story as long as he’s the hero in his own. It's time to move on!

And if you was thinking about calling or text that mofo....put the phone down. Get up and go work out. Do your hair, do your makeup, put a little dress on and take yourself on a solo date. Don't you DARE call him!! HE IS NOT WORTHY!! Half the time you're pressed about a clown that don't deserve you.

You are a Black woman. Your joy is a radical act. But right now, your joy is tied to his downfall. That means he still has the remote control to your emotions. And if you and your girls, or your brother aint rolled up and kicked his ass yet... it aint going to happen. And truth be told, you have too much to lose to be caught on somebody's ring cam slashing his tires or fighting his new chick.

It's time to move on, sis. And I'm not talking about for "likes." You know what I'm talking about, when you take all the pics AS IF you're enjoying your best life, but you're really praying he watches your story and have some weird change of heart. You're playing yourself.

Read closely:

• Stop Being a Private Investigator!  Delete the apps. Block the cousins. If you find out he got engaged tomorrow, what does that change about your coffee tasting good this morning? Nothing.

• Stop Being the "Strong Black Woman": You don't have to "endure" the pain until justice is served. No, experience it, take it in, cry, scream, cut up pictures, talk shit- all of that. Then, leave the pain on the side of the road and keep walking.

• Invest in Your Own "Best Life": We spend so much energy analyzing why he did what he did. Who cares? The "why" won't heal you. Only the "what’s next" will.

  
  

The real plot twist is that the best revenge you're ever LIKELY to get, isn't him failing. It's you becoming so deeply invested in your own peace, your own skin-care routine, your own bank account, and your own laughter that if someone mentioned his name, you’d have to squint just to remember who they’re talking about. WHO?

Truth is, he’s already experienced the consequence of losing you; and moved on to his new chick. And she aint ugly. Chick is probably 20 lbs lighter, making more money, freakier... and his mama LOVE her! He already realized the weight of the void you left, and doesn't give a damn. You aren't the girl of his dreams, you're not the girl he will do anything, its hard to know that, but he chose not to settle. And if some shit ever really happens, you shouldn't be anywhere near enough to see him realize it, because you’ll be too busy shining.

Gain control and remain unbothered. We don't want to hear nothing else about dude. We been got it... he aint shit, but he's happy. You?

Detach!!

Finish your drink. The sun is coming up tomorrow whether he’s miserable or not. Make sure you’re awake to enjoy it. Go get you a new man or a new handbag, but for the love of everything, leave the thought of him in the trash where it belongs. Commit to becoming a better woman... you won't regret it.